Torture and Darkness
by Turin resurrected
Summary: Good, powerful writing here. You show an understanding of lycanthropy. There's nothing cute about being a werewolf, it isn't a furry little problem, it's a dark and horrible curse. And here, poor Lupin's worst nightmare has come true. Tnx,BB 4 rvwn!
1. Chapter 1

Warning: Torture and Darkness, you have been warned. Although, for the sake of my account's survival, certain chapters/scenes have been edited out…please follow link for details.

All characters belong to JK's fabulous HP series. Oh, Rowling said that Albus' gay. Waiting for her to out Lupin and Black.

**Torture and Darkness**

**By T.A.F.K.A.F.A. and LiliTurin**

_Chapter 2_

The night was dark, the moon covered with thick storm clouds when he awoke naked in the middle of the forbidden forest. Drowsy, he tried to get his bearings. Spotting the top of the castle, he determined that he was 5 km away, east-side. Then he realized, where were Sirius, Peter and James? Ah – James and Peter were serving detentions and Sirius…

He was gripped with such sheer terror, it momentarily knocked him unconscious – Sirius, the last thing he remembered was all-consuming anger, and lust as Sirius kissed him. And then, nothing.

"Sirius?" he whispered, gray eyes trembling in trepidation. "Sirius!" he cried. Was this a joke, was he hiding somewhere? But he has cried himself hoarse and still, Sirius did not come. He struggled to his feet. That's when he noticed the smell… sharp, nauseating – rotting blood.

He ran, intending to follow his nose, but there was no need. The vegetation was trampled, twigs and branches broken uncaringly, and… blood… everywhere. Half of him wanted to run away, back to Hogwarts,and just lie in bed, wait for James and Peter to take care of everything… wait for them to laugh and tell him it was all a joke. But in his core, he knew this was real, and last night, something unthinkable happened, and it was all his fault.

His heart beat so strongly, he could hear the thumping in his ears. It was then, he found him.

Lying naked on a clearing.

If he didn't know Sirius' scent, he would've deceived himself into believing that this was someone else. Flies buzzed atop the body, delighting at the feast laid down for them. The face was raw and bloodied, so torn-up was he that where the bruises end, oozing wounds would begin. Blank, unblinking eyes stared at the sky, face lined with trickling tears, grime and dried blood. His torso was so cut and shredded, Lupin could see bone and muscle in some places. His stomach looked like some piece of meat cleaved over and over by the butcher. "Sirius, no…" Lupin bit his fist, if he did not, he will scream until he loses his mind, "Oh Sirius, _no_…"

The clearing wasn't a clearing after all. It was just as big as Sirius, and it did not take long to realize how the clearing was created last night.

Remus' fingers trembled as he struggled to look for a place where he could safely hold Sirius, but he was just one huge open wound.

He didn't want this! Loathing, just murderous loathing gripped him. He looked about for their wand, intending to finish it all, when he heard a pathetic gurgling sound coming from Sirius. At first he could not believe it. But Sirius _was_ breathing. It was so shallow and brief that he almost missed it.

It was foolish to cling to such an ephemereal hope, but Lupin clutched it like a drowning man clutching a life-line.

"Sirius, hang in there, please, don't die on me…" he whispered. He found Sirius' wand and cast a Blinding charm on them both. He has always been good in charms, everyone knew it, but he has never shown anyone how good he really was. This was better than an OWL. To everyone, they would be unperceivable—unless he willed it otherwise. Sobbing, he carried Sirius' body – corpse—no, stop it—and made his way back home.

* * *

"Oh watch it! Watch it!" Peeves cackled as something went through him. But seeing nothing, went about his pesky business. "Ei, wozzat?" a short-haired wizard yelped.

It was still before sunset, and only a few students were up and about. Lupin ran as fast as he could, trying vainly to save Sirius from more pain. A perverse notion crept into his mind: _wasn't it too late for that? Look at him fool. You killed him. You shouldn't be looking for a Healer. You should be looking for a Gravedigger. _Hot tears like raging rivers poured down his cheeks, falling like rain on Sirius' hair. Oh, if only his tears were like a Phoenix's…

Wait… Fawkes!

He grinned maniacally, laughing/ sobbing at the same time.

"Sirius – _hiccup—_listen – _hiccup—_I'm g-going to – _hiccup_—get you h-help," Lupin found a new well of strength as he changed directions and went straight to Dumbledore's office. More than a few students were up and about, but he phased through them like a ghost. The stairs were torture – they kept changing, and he had to go to Dumbledore's office in a roundabout way. He broke into a run, the sooner he got to Fawkes, the more chance that Sirius could be saved! His chest heaving, his eyes shining with exhilaration, he half-ran/ half-stumbled through the Headmaster's doorway, but instead of phasing through it as he intended, both he and Sirius bounced off. The majestic stone griffin ruffled its feathers, looking very irate. It scanned the corridors, but finding nothing extraordinary, resumed its previous pose.

For Lupin, the world seemed to fall apart. Putting down his lover, he scurried to the wall. Like a man possessed, he ran his hands all over the wall, but it remained solid – or he remained solid? He tried the ground, he could sink, but still would hit a barrier as he tried to cross over. Panic-stricken, he pounded the wall, as if by sheer strength and will he could reduce to rubble what has stood for over a thousand years. Even as blood, in rivulets, flowed down his hands, he refused to stop.

Behind him, Sirius' breathing grew more labored and shallow. He rushed toward his partner, cradling him and trying to comfort him as best he could.

"Ah, love, if I could," he sobbed, face so close to Sirius, their nose barely touched, "I'd take all your pain. Ah, love, forgive me."

He embraced Sirius. Then suddenly, he gasped as absolute abhorrence overwhelmed him. Muscle, skin and blood clung to his naked skin – coating him in a grisly vermillion/ ebony shade. But before he could completely lose his mind, the Headmaster's door opened.

"Who goes there?" Without even saying Lumos, the man's wand began to glow. Dumbledore, looking the same as usual, peeked through the door, his round eyeglasses hanging precariously on his hooked nose. Lupin froze, he thought that he could get to Fawkes and just, y'know, coerce tears out of him… but Dumbledore was another issue. It was a good thing they were invisible, but then, the Headmaster's eyes met his.

Dumbledore, nary saying anything, but only waving his wand, flicked Lupin into the room. The portraits of former Headmasters mumbled protests and gasps as a large, heavy velvet curtain suddenly materialized and covered them.

"Sirius!" Lupin cried as his lover was suddenly wrenched away from him. Dumbledore tutted and the pulling eased somewhat. It completely disappeared when they got inside the study. There was no fooling Dumbledore. The old wizard did not even ask what happened. He just took charge of Sirius, laying him down on his bed and calling to a house elf. An old house-elf apparated and with nary a glance at Sirius, waited on Dumbledore's orders. The Headmaster instructed the House elf to take some herbs of this and that plant, the shredded wings of a Japanese oni and some gold slug juice. He then conjured hot water and towels and began cleaning Sirius.

_Dumbledore's here… he'll take care of everything._

After what seemed to be an eternity, Dumbledore finally managed to sponge off the dirt, caked blood and whatever else. Lupin felt an overwhelming sense of relief. He sobbed and sunk to Sirius' bedside. He wanted to hold Sirius, but not wanting to hurt him any more, he clutched Dumbledore's robes instead. The house elf arrived, carrying the poultice. Dumbledore began rubbing the sweet, chocolate-smelling cream all over Sirius' wounds.

"Fawkes' tears," Lupin whispered. He glanced at the phoenix at the corner of the room.

"… are useless," murmured Dumbledore, still not looking at Lupin. "His tears, I'm afraid would be wasted on Sirius, as this is a poison phoenix tears could not cure."

Lupin's eyes widened. "No! He won't be a werewolf!" He shivered. But would death be better? It was all too much for a sixteen year old boy. He buried his head on Sirius' blanket, crying, drowning in his pain.

He felt Dumbledore wrap him in a robe. "It wasn't your fault, dear Lupin... lycanthropy brings out our unconscious, and even the best of us has darkness lurking in his light. Fawkes could not get near Sirius – he is hurt in more ways than… physical. Even his soul is wounded, and he has closed himself from everything. He knew you meant him no harm, but he is still being eaten inside," his eyes refused to meet Lupin, for they both knew what happened, and the Headmaster did not want Lupin to think he blamed him.

Dumbledore's blue eyes shone with dammed up tears.

But it was Lupin who cried for them both.

**To Be Continued**

_Yes, that's right… where's chapter 1? Just review, tell me you want it, and I'll send it through yer account. In requesting, you attest that you are 18 and older. Warning... it's really... bloody._

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 3 _

James fidgeted on his seat in McGonagall's class. His eyes scanned the room for his best mate and Lupin. It was already half a candle-mark past ten.

_Those damned blokes must have had lots of dirty fun, _he smirked, mind full of filthy thoughts. Sirius was his best mate, but Lupin, well – there has always been that kind of attraction between the two. Body language, eye contact, y'know, that kind of stuff. James didn't swing _that _way but he'd have to be an unfeeling block of dung not to notice. He didn't mind if his best mate's gay – what he couldn't stand was the sexual tension in the air. In fact, it was _he _who cornered Sirius as they drank Butterbeer (with real alcohol) in Hogsmeade. He could not forget Sirius' scandalized look and burning face. Sirius stuttered and squirmed like Wormtail and denied all his allegations… but mind you, the following day, Sirius and Lupin were absent. And no one saw them leave their room.

"Mr. Potter, would you like to share your daydreaming with the _class_?" McGonagall coldly asked. Yeah, _that_ will be the day.

"U-uh, sorry Professor, I was thinking of the double triangulate defense I read about," James prudently answered.

McGonagall's expression softened. She had a not-so-secret passion for Quidditch.

"Well, see that Quidditch does not come ahead of your studies young man. Now, turn to page 345 and explain the difference beween animagi and were-fauna."

What followed was an interesting discussion about werewolves, and the hidden animal-totem within each of us. James did well and was even able to 'guess' some methods on how to discover your inner animagus. Needless to say, McGonagall was impressed and gave 5 pts to Gryffindor.

Before being dismissed, McGonagall pulled him to the corner and whispered, "The secret is…"

There were Slytherin Quidditch team members beside them. James' face brightened as he exclaimed, "Why didn't I think of _that?" _

* * *

There was still no sign of Lupin and Sirius come recess. He ate lunch with Peter, but it was no fun. Peter kept saying, "Hey James, what do you think of—" or, "y'know, you were so great when you…" Egads, could he curse off Peter's trap? 

"Mate, where's the map?"

"Eh?" Peter though for a moment, "Wasn't it Lupin's turn to keep it?"

"Oh yeah…" great.

"By the way, where do you think Sirius and Lupin went?"

_If I knew, would I be hanging around with you?_ He spied Severus at the corner of his eye. But it's no fun without Sirius, and besides, Evans was there, hanging around that git like a mother hen. _Are they together? No…_ he shrieked inwardly, but everywhere he looked, his year-mates were pairing up. The Marauders were decidedly single, that added to their mystique, but what if… he clutched his wand and walked towards Lily's and Severus' tree. Peter hurriedly scrambled to gather their lunch and schoolwork.

"Ei, Evans!" he called out, blatantly ignoring Severus.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Let's go Severus, I can feel a storm approaching." Snape cast him an evil glare and proceeded to pick up Lily's things.

James beat him to it, reflexes sharper than the sedentary Severus. "Really Lily, don't you ever tire of playing hard to get? Lots of girls would want to be in your shoes" it was meant as a joke, nothing more, but Lily's temper flared as fiery and hot as her hair.

"Really? _Really?? _Well, they can have my shoes then!" and saying that, took off her shoes and threw it at James' head. She didn't connect –after all, a bludger's faster – but her point _did_. Severus sneered and took advantage of James' surprise and grabbed Lily's things back. The two hastily went back inside, leaving James and Peter looking perplexedly at them.

"I don't get what she sees in him," James mumbled to himself.

"Uhn James, I think we have more pressing concerns – we should get inside, too," Peter whimpered, pulling his sleeves.

"Eh? Why?"

"Didn't Evans say a storm's coming?"

He ditched Peter shortly after D.A..

That night, James ignored Peter's plea to let him come 'marauding'. Taking his invisibility cloak, he ran towards the Forbidden Forest, towards the shack. James was an adrenaline junkie, but he wasn't stupid. He transformed into a stag first and checked the wind, making sure that he was always downwind. Only Sirius could reason with Lupin when he's in werewolf form. And everytime Lupin transformed, Sirius had to establish that they were friends, not prey. Although Lupin _did _try to eat Pettigrew when Sirius wasn't looking… but who could blame him? Besides, he did spit him out.

Far in the distance, James heard the pitiable howls of a werewolf transforming. He ran, leaping gracefully on the meadows. He found himself looking at a clearing he didn't know before. Strange, smelled funky. Anyways, there's Lupin. He wondered whether he should prance towards the werewolf, but some instinct made him pause. _Hm. Where's Sirius? _

He really wasn't worried. Sirius had a habit of suddenly disappearing especially when it came to family matters, so maybe, Lupin's all home alone.

The werewolf whimpered in pain, muscles rippling beneath the thick fur as stress from the transformation gradually faded. However, instead of snarling and howling like there was no tomorrow, the werewolf just cried and yipped like a lost puppy searching for its mother. It didn't even move away from the clearing, just lay down and sulked.

James lay down also, observing the werewolf's peculiar behavior. _Ohoho little Moony's heartsick! _

Once in a while, the werewolf would stand up, scan the area, smell the air, but not finding what he's looking for, would sink to the ground again. Halfway past midnight, he made a lame attempt of hunting a rabbit, but when he caught it, simply let it go. Finally, the werewolf gave up and still crying, fell asleep.

Daylight came. James was shaken awake by Remus' transformation struggle. Hiding hurriedly beneath the invisibility cloak, he waited for his friend to fully return to normal. He's seen the transformation many times, and it still amazed him how the human boy could withstand such convolutions and not perish.

Remus lay like dead on the ground, gasping, chest heaving in exhaustion. James, still under the cloak, wanted to run to his friend and help him, but something held him back… something he couldn't lay his hands on. Well, his instincts were seldom wrong so he stayed put… even though Remus could not see him, he crouched lower down the grass and observed his friend through the blades. Remus shifted and retraced the path back to the shack. James followed silently.

What met him there stunned him.

The shack was torn asunder, like the scene of some great battle… no not a battle, a massacre. Putrefying bits of flesh and blood hung like grisly decor on the wall. And the floor – so much blood was spilled it literally dyed the mud crimson. His knees trembled, his throat dried, his hand lost strength and the invisibility cloak fell to the ground.

"J-James!" Remus exclaimed, expression as horror-stricken as James.

"W-w-w.." he couldn't phrase it – his mind refused to acknowledge it. Did Lupin kill someone yesterday? Some little kid, no… "L-L-Lupin," he stammered, "what happened?"

Remus' lips quivered and his eyes suddenly overflowed with tears. He let out a piteous gasp and sunk to the floor, looking imploringly at James. "I didn't mean to James, I didn't! I'd kill myself if I'd have known!" he gasped as he fell to his knees and cried, his shoulders heaving.

Seeing his friend so lost moved James to action. Kneeling beside Lupin, rubbing his back, he tried to allay his friend's pain, even if he didn't fully understand the cause. "You didn't mean to Lupin, you're a good man, mate," he whispered. But Lupin would take none of it.

"A good man? A good man? He was a good man, too, James! Oh, if only --," his reddened eyes, still leaking tears searched beseechingly at James', telling of some unpardonable sin. A few moments passed, and James' eyes soon mirrored the horror in Lupin's. The blood. The destruction. Sirius hasn't 'gone', he was… "Ah, so now you get it, Potter?" Remus whispered as James quickly withdrew his hand.

After dressing, Remus took him to Dumbledore's office. "Offalgio," he whispered to the griffin. The griffin's wings parted and they entered. James looked anxiously at the imposing study, unconsciously recalling the hours of detention he endured. "Dumbledore would not have minded," Lupin said, his voice the barest murmur. He looked at Fawkes, and the phoenix nodded. "He is there, beyond the curtains..."

James bit his lips, a nervous gesture he thought he's outgrown. His fingers shook as he parted the curtains.

His heart beat lost its rhythm as he gazed on the mangled body of Sirius.

His face was bloodied up and covered with bandages. His long hair was as dull as a stray dog's. Runes glowed in a disturbing pulse on Sirius' whole body. Crystals hummed in tune with his heartbeat, or were the crystals beating for his heart? Already, the sheets were stained red. How was Sirius replacing all this blood? He could not possibly take a blood-replenishing pill, or any other pill in that condition! As if in answer to his questions, Lupin took a knife and sliced open his palm. Touching Sirius' hand lovingly, the runes on the hand glowed crimson, and this spread slowly throughout his body.

Lupin caressed Sirius' cheeks, even as he cried anew. "I did this to him James, I would've killed him – I don't know why he's not dead now. They were right. Werewolves are dangerous, no matter what we want to believe…"

James wanted to say otherwise, but what could he say to refute what was in front of him? Already, his heart was torn in two. He wanted to strangle whoever did this – but that whoever was Lupin! And Lupin was Sirius' lover and his best mate – and Lupin – Lupin was as lost, no, more lost without Sirius than him! He could curse him and hurt him, but what he could do paled in comparison to what Lupin was already suffering. There were more gray streaks on his auburn hair, and his eyes were dark and puffed from crying.

He grabbed the knife from Lupin, surprising the werewolf.

"Do it --," Lupin murmured, glancing at him but briefly before returning his attention to Sirius.

But the strike did not come.

Instead, James made a similar deep gash on his palm. Warm, crimson blood flowed in rivulets down his elbows as he waited for the pain to pass. Wordlessly, he took a seat beside Lupin (it was a single's chair, but could seat two).

"How do I do this?" he muttered, catching the dripping blood on his other hand.

To Be Continued

_Sorry, I think there was too much angst here, but there you go. As of uploading this chapter, I'm already at chapter 5, so never fear, will have some stuff to tide you over. However, I'm coming to a rut—should I have them get back together? _


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